Divorced people often feel wiser and are happy to pass on their knowledge to married couples. It is worth giving their advice a listen since they have the practice to back up the theory. Some of the suggestions you probably heard before, like do not rush marriage. However, our list might also have some items that you haven’t considered before.
Here are five great pieces of advice offered by divorcees about marriage:
1. Don’t Get Married Too Quickly
The pressure from your married peers, parents, and friends to tie the knot can often lead to a marriage that lacks the foundation to sustain it. Granted, love is a key ingredient for a happy marriage, but there is more to it than that. The two of you must have some common values and share a similar outlook on the future.
2. Try Marriage Counseling
People often underestimate the power of couples therapy. If you feel that problems are clouding your life together, do not hesitate to contact a licensed therapist. A few sessions could help you resolve some aspects that lead to divorce. The sooner you seek help, the better chances you have of making it out together. Choose someone with whom both of you feel comfortable enough to open up.
3. Openly Discuss your Feelings
Communicating about what each of you feels and needs is essential to make a marriage last. Such talks will not only help your partner understand you better, but it may also lead to some precious self-discovery.
Having these honest talks does not come easily to everybody. Men especially can find it difficult to talk about feelings. This is the main reason why many women complain about a lack of intimacy in their marriage. So, make an effort. While it might be somewhat awkward at first, with time and practice it will come more naturally. Here are a few tips to help you get started.
Try to identify and name what you feel. Is it anger, irritation, fulfillment? Then try to determine the degree of intensity from mild to intense. When stating your feelings to your partner, bring up specific examples of situations when you felt that way. You can use the following formula, just fill in the blanks to fit your particular case: “I feel …(name the feeling)… when …(situation and or behavior).”
However, sharing your thoughts is only one side of the coin. It is just as important to listen. When your partner opens up, listen carefully to what is being said and take some mental notes.
4. The Perfect Partner Does not Exist
When you fall in love, that person seems perfect. However, as you spend more time together, that unrealistic portrait starts to crack and blemishes become visible. This is absolutely normal, everybody has flaws of one kind or another.
The transition from ideal to human can be devastating for some. The best way to ease the transition is to take time to discover each other, to learn about and accept the shortcomings of your relationship.
5. Small Deeds Go a Long Way
Married life can become monotonous and overrun by mundane things. What to have for lunch, groceries, decisions about your children will probably be at the center of most talks. However, there should be more to marriage than this. It is essential to nurture your intimacy.
You can maintain a sense of intimacy by talking about your feelings and sharing your thoughts, as previously mentioned. Another thing you can do is to constantly surprise the other with small acts that show affection. You could hide little love notes for your partner to find, offer flowers, set up breakfast in bed, or a candlelit dinner. There are so many things you can do, just let your imagination run wild!
These five tips can help preserve your marriage, but no bulletproof plan exists. Sharing your life with someone is a lot of work; all you can do is give it your best shot. If you think that your marriage is beyond saving, then it might be time to opt-out.
If your marriage is not working, for whatever reason, and you decided on divorce, don’t go through it alone. Talk to your friends and family and let them be by your side. It will not be an easy process and it helps to have social support. Also, contact an attorney to guide you through the legal part of the divorce process.
