The Roommate

Dear Chanel,

I’m writing you out of desperation. I have experienced the worst roommates ever – and it’s not getting any better! I’ve tried all the roommate websites, ads within local colleges/coffee shops and friends of mine or friends of friends. Im exhausted and upset. I need a roommate to be able to afford average rent costs. There’s no way around it – Im not lazy. Ive been working for years and I am a student. Ive been providing for myself for a long time. How do I find better roommates?! JUST ONE! They’ve got to be out there!

– Locked Away in My  Own Home

Dear Locked Away,

That’s upsetting just to know that stable roommates are so hard to come by. At the same time – that’s a strong belief I have had since I was in high school. I actually deterred away from going away for college for the sole reason of having a roommate. It freaked me out to think that my room, my belongings, my personal space would be shared with a stranger. Even the thought of sharing space with my sister or brother – gets deep under my skin. All in all – it’s a trust issue for me.

You didn’t mention why your roommates have been such a bother so I’ll cover the bases on finding a roommate and then send you the warning signs of a bad one.

Finding A Roommate:

• Advertise – schools, newspaper, Facebook, Craigslist [be wary of course]
• State ALL the facts
• Rent Amount
• Deposit Amount Required
• State if there is a written lease [this is to cover yourself]
• State if pets or additional occupants are allowed
• Clear up if you want a smoker/nonsmoker
• Clear up if you are seeking a female or male – * you may not advertise this because it’s illegal to base housing opportunities based on gender/age/status/religion/etc* but once an email/call is sent – you can use discretion.
• State the Ages – without being specific – “young professionals” “middle aged” “college-level” and specify that you wish to find someone similar
• Describe the general area of housing [id HIGHLY suggest against stating the address or cross roads in ad especially via Craigslist – until you schedule the interview] “By ____[landmark]” or “within 10 miles of the mall/college/Safeway/etc.”
• Describe the room – provide dimensions, furnished or unfurnished, cable/WIFI access or not?, utilities included or not, other aspects of the house
• Require copy of ID and paystub upon meeting
• INITIAL EMAIL/PHONE CONVERSATION
• Introduce yourself – explain the living situation [is there a current roommate – who else lives there – are there any pets – do you own the place – are you renting it for a year or a couple months – etc]
• Ask them as much as you would want to know before letting someone into your home and personal space
• Why Do they Need a room?
• Where are they from?
• Do they know the area?
• Do they smoke/drink/party?
• Do they plan on having their significant other over a lot [this does pose a problem in most situations]
• How do they intend to pay rent – can they provide proof of income?
• Do they use drugs or any heavy Rx? [this can be a red flag – depending]
• Do they own their own car? [you may THINK this won’t be an issue…but…I’ll explain]
• Ask for full name, contact # and email address [I’ll explain]
• So…what do you think?
• The ball is in your court now. How are you feeling?
• How was their tone?
• Do you feel it was a bit sketchy?
• Unsure….?
• If you ARE uncomfortable:
• Thank them for their time
• State that you’ll go over what you guys have talked about and will get back within a couple days
• You can either: not call/text or email or call/text/email and say you found someone else.
• Intuition is MOST important – trust me.
• If you are UNSURE:
• Thank them for their time
• Say that you would like to call them back once you decide a good day/time to have them over
• Call a friend or speak to the other residents – ask their opinions.
• Search their name/email on Facebook and Case Search for your state
• This helped me discover a potential roommate had a history of abuse towards women!
• This allows you to make your own judgement based on their profile photos or other photos – it may even show you that your person isn’t real or using someone else’s email!
• If still feeling unsure – I would forget it and move on.
• If feeling a bit better about it – take the following tips.

• If you are COMFORTABLE
• Schedule a time for them to come over
• Aim for daytime – midday to ensure neighbors and other roommates are home
• Most people do work during the day – so if it’s kind of late or early, ask a friend, relative or roommate to stay with you or by their phone.
• Keep the house clean – make them want to be there.
• Have all pets accessible – they need to know how many/what kind of pets they’ll be living with.
• Print out a copy of the master lease and their own draft lease that covers all terms
• Monthly Rent
• Utility Policy
• Pet Policy
• Drug/Alcohol Policy
• Deposit Rules – it is kept depending on lack of notice or failure of payment
• Day of Meeting
• Pay attention to details!
• Are they attentive?
• Is their car falling apart?
• Do they look a mess?
• Are they prepared for your questions/concerns?
• Did they bring someone with them? If so – who and why?
• Paperwork
• Go over everything together.
• Ask for their copy of ID and Paystub.
• Make a copy for them and a copy for yourself.
• Did it Work for you?
• If so – make them a key, pick the date of move in
• If not – tell them you’ll be in touch
• Are you concerned of them knowing your address?
• Keep doors locked. Keep place well lit and make a note of their tags.

• My Top 10 RED FLAGS for Roommates:
1. They drink over 4x a week – in mass quantities
2. They are late paying rent on ANY of their first 3 months – if not all of them!
3. They can’t afford a full deposit within 3 months
4. They are borrowing money from you – and it’s not a friend of yours!
5. Food/Dishes/Dirty Items are collecting and making mass piles
6. Frequent yelling towards yourself, their guests/friends/family or yours. This includes mistreating PETS!
7. Drug Use/Frequent Partying
8. Lack of a Car – they’ll eventually be asking for rides or bus money at some point – at first it’s fine but let me tell you – it gets old, FAST!
9. Stealing/”Borrowing” of toilet paper, supplies, FOOD! or anything else that is NOT theirs, that they have NOT paid for, that you have NOT made “community” on a frequent basis. Without replacing [but even if they do – its obnoxious]
10. Needing to always know where you are, when you’ll be home or seems irritated if you have plans with other people

• These are just my PERSONAL opinions – obviously there are more!

Tags: Advice Column Chanel Essentials

Category: OPINION