May 29, 2024
Annapolis, US 60 F

Eastport Shut Off From Mainland

Republic Considers It “An Act Of Aggression”

ATTN: Facebookers, if you share the outrage, click “recommend” up top and share it with your friends.

This morning, Annapolis Mayor, Joshua Cohen ordered the Eastport Bridge closed to traffic due to standing water along Compromise Street. This move was unusual and the Maritime Republic of Eastport has released the following statement:

Sept. 30th, 2010 (Eastport, MD) — Yes, fellow Eastport-O-Ricans, It was only a mere thirteen years ago-barely a grain of the sands of time, that The City of Annapolis committed that unforgiveable act of aggression towards our peace-loving citizenry.  Well, it seems as if history does indeed repeat itself over and over again.  This morning The Spa Creek Bridge was once again closed.  This time with the excuse of “excess standing water on Compromise Street”.  (Really? Standing water. Is that the best they can come up with?!)  This unprovoked, and, dare I say, possiblly unwarranted act of aggression has again severed physical ties and international relations between our superior nation and our pitiable former oppressors!!

Repeated attempts to reach The Mayor’s office for comment or explanation were unsuccessful (well, ok, we didn’t really try, but I’m sure if we had they would have ignored us with claims of “tropical storm emergency” or some such nonsense), but we remain convinced that this act has long been planned!!!  Why, it has even been suggested that the “sewer system upgrades” which have recently taken place in Eastport over the summer were just an elaborate Trojan Horse scheme with Mayor Cohen serving as modern-day Odysseus (Oh, c’mon, look it up on Wikipedia..I’m busy spinnin’ a yarn here) of sorts-giving The City an opportunity to wreak havoc once again upon our peaceable micro-nation. Standing water indeed!!!

“This unprovoked act of aggression cannot go unaddressed” a decisive Mike Pachler (MRE Premier) emphatically and decisively exclaimed as he strode decisively towards the MRE war room .  “I think we’re probably gonna have to declare war in October….the 25th looks pretty good…Yeah, OK we’ll get it on the books at City Hall…”.  Well,  fellow  Eastport-O-Ricans, consider this your official call to arms!!   Mark your calendars and spread the word!  The Winds of War are blowin’ at gale force…it does indeed look as if a major conflict, or, dare I say “SLAUGHTER”?…..As in “SLAUGHTER ACROSS THE WATER”? is probable…nay…Inevitable.  (da….da…dumm…..)
The Date is November 6th. The Time is Crack O’ Noon!
We are currently recruiting Tug Teams, Tuggers, Sponsors, Vendors of all types and Volunteers to help run the Tug. Inquiries about sponsorship opportunities, general event questions, captaining a Tug Team team can all be directed to Minister of War Denise (Nisey) Mileski:  [email protected] .

Forms for sponsors and Tuggers are updated and available on our web-site now:

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