I sent my two oldest children on vacation with their Godparents this week. I was apprehensive– at six and five years old would they be able to last a whole week without me? I figured after one night they would be wailing, “I want to go home, I miss my amazing, beautiful, slimmed down Mommy!” But no such luck, those ungrateful little heathens are having the time of their young lives. Can you imagine? I have called every morning and every night without fail, every time is the same response, ‘Momma, we had the best day ever!’. Um….hello, did you not notice that I was missing, how is that the best day ever if I wasn’t there to share it?
I know I am supposed to be excited by their independence, it means that I have created and begun to raise strong, independent men. Isn’t that the goal, not to raise boys, but instead to raise men and women? If I have stumbled upon a success in my parenting career then why do I feel so conflicted? This is the first time in my parenting history that they were away from me, it symbolizes the growing strength within them. They are not babies anymore, and with this realization my role will need to change and evolve as they have and will continue to do. Whoa! That’s a little deep.
My job is not one with a ton of perks, I get no vacation time, sick leave is a joke, but the benefits are out of this world. Satisfaction came on the fifth night when I was ending my conversation with my six year old and he said, ‘ Wait Momma, you don’t need to hang up yet. You can say that you love me again, and tell me that you miss me.’ It was not the gushing recognition of my devotion, but it let me know that he needed me, just a smidge, and that is just fine for me.
In the end, they have a week of memories with people that they love, and that has no price tag. I was able to spend one on three time with my three youngest babies. My husband and I took moments to reconnect–all good things. They come home in a few days and I am counting the seconds. These years go quickly, but I know now that they are capable of standing on their own, even though I’m holding their hands……softly.