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There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

| April 21, 2010, 10:38 AM | 2 Comments

We all know people who are very conservative when it comes to spending, but there are some people that take it a bit too far. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

If you’ve ever been to a restaurant you’ll notice a pretty standard course of events. You’re seated; your server brings you drinks, takes your order and then checks on you periodically to see how you’re doing. Typically if you are not happy with your meal, you should tell the server immediately. If you eat everything on your plate and are seconds away from licking it clean, you are not allowed to send it back. There’s nothing to send back. You ate it all. So don’t look shocked when it shows up on your bill.

A restaurant is not an ice cream parlor and we do not offer free samples. Please do not ask me if you can try the burger to see if you like it. It’s not going to happen.

Do not order water and a plate of lemons in an attempt to make your own homemade lemonade. You’re only going to piss me off; if you want lemonade, order lemonade. If not, congratulations, you saved yourself $2.

It’s not your birthday, and you’re not getting a free dessert. When you ordered a cocktail earlier I checked your I.D. It said you were born in November. It’s April. Nice try.

We had some women come into the restaurant about a month ago claiming that they wanted to have a private party for 200 people but they needed to try the food first…for free. We offered them a thirty percent discount on their meal, they hastily declined and stormed out. Unbelievable.

Ladies, please do not think that just because you are scantily clad and bat your big, fake eyelashes, that guys will buy you drinks all night. Buy your own drinks. The guys will be much more impressed. And for you gentlemen out there, just because you buy a lady a drink, she is not obliged to sleep with you.

Some of the best things in life may be free, but lunch is not one of them.

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About the Author - The Bar Bitch

I graduated with an Art degree from a small liberal arts college, did a bit of traveling and moved to Annapolis from Baltimore about seven years ago. I currently manage a well-known Annapolis restaurant, serve and bartend. I live downtown and I like sunsets and long walks on the beach :)

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Comments (2)

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  1. Fred Shubbie® says:

    Fred Shubbie® believes much of what you say in this particular article has merit, but I think a party of 200 people ( if scheduled during an otherwise not-so-lucrative time period) would have made a tasting arrangement of some sort worth your while in terms of payoff. A tasting is not a feeding after all, and if y’all could not get creative in the sales department in order to sell a party maybe you are not all you imagine yourselves ( as a service oriented food-pleasure palace) to be.

    I would have said, ” Ok sure, but I can only make a small portion of each of the items you desire and I will have to charge you a nominal fee which I will deduct from your catering charge when you decide on what you are getting for your party of 200 –I know you will love it “

  2. The Bar Bitch says:

    That particular situation is a lot more detailed then I cared to share for the blog… the women wanted to have the party at one of our different locations (the recipes, and sometimes menu, differ from location to location)they came in during the height of our dinner rush with no forewarning and refused to sit down and discuss the logistics. I have dealt with booking/catering parties on numerous occasions, and these ladies were clearly trying to “scam the system”.

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