From The Classroom
From The Classroom: Seth Perry’s Market House Thoughts
Up on Capitol Hill, John Boehner is proving that he is only good for two things–crying, and being an adequate stand-in for families who have forgotten to buy a Halloween pumpkin. Under his leadership, the government has lodged itself between a rock, a hard place, and a bunch of angry voters. They’ve most recently found [...]
From The Classroom: A Final Modest Proposal About Snow
Hey Annapolis! So here’s the third in a series of satires about school closings. Last week, I poked a little bit of fun at overprotective parents who would have school closed for every little thing…and this week, I’m having a little fun with parents who always want to have school open, no matter what the [...]
From The Classroom: Yet Another Modest Proposal About Snow
As promised, here is my first of two ‘modest proposals’ (yes, modeled a bit on Jonathan Swift’s immortal one) about the recent school closures due to snow. This first one pokes fun at the overcautious parent who starts demanding that schools close when he or she sees the first snowflake. Don’t fret, overbearing moms & [...]
From The Classroom: Another Modest Proposal About Snow
(Readers: Apologies for the length between columns. The past two weeks were filled with midterm exams.) In the past two weeks, we’ve had a few storms and nastiness. We also had some snow. The ‘storms and nastiness’ I’m referring to resulted directly from the snow. Specifically, the comments about school closing, and the comments about [...]
From The Classroom: RAVENNNNNSSSSSS
Whenever the Ravens make the playoffs, Maryland might as well be one big tailgating party. A quick Saturday trip around Annapolis Harbor Center was enough to paint a beautiful picture of Annapolis’ purple-and-black pride—on a day when the Ravens weren’t even playing, no less! The cars in the parking lot sported Ravens flags and stuck-on decals, [...]
From the Classroom: Seth Perry’s Top 10 11 Of 2010
Well, the duplicate sweaters have been returned, the Christmas cookies are beginning to double as mold colonies, and, by the grace of God, I’ve got almost a year until I have to resume fabricating answers to my little siblings’ questions about Santa’s existence. This downtime after Christmas is a good time to reflect on certain [...]
From The Classroom: If You “Like” This…Nothing Will Happen
Last night, I had a crazy dream. And not the kind where Jessica Alba takes her shirt off. I was observing some sort of religious ceremony. It was in…you could call it a cathedral, but instead of extensive Sistine-Chapel type murals of angels and cherubs and the Virgin Mary holding God Jr, the ceiling was [...]
From The Classroom: Hypocrite Harris And Other Reasons Students Would Make Better Congressmen
I have a business opportunity for anyone who is interested. It should only take a little bit of cash infusion to start it up, and should immediately begin booming and producing countless profit. Ready for this? A new clothing line of “Miss me yet?” shirts featuring Frank Kratovil. If the voters in District 1 haven’t [...]
From the Classroom: A Modest Proposal
What’s up, Annapolis? Is everything going well in your world? I’m certainly more chipper than I have been in recent days, not only because it’s Thanksgiving Break, but because last week I got an unexpected day off. Why? The power went off at my school. Now, I have to make this day up during the [...]
From The Classroom: Games On Trial
Hi there, Annapolis! I won’t be talking about the election, because frankly I wasn’t all too pleased with the outcome, so I might as well avoid it lest I turn into a fire-breathing rant beast. The part I am pleased about, though, is that all my election predictions were correct EXCEPT for the delegates in [...]
From The Classroom: Seth Perry’s 2010 Election Predictions
In the months leading up to the election I’ve made every possible effort to stay informed. I’ve scoured candidate websites, political blogs, and newspapers trying to figure out who the best candidates are. Then I realized that I still have another two elections until I can vote, which means all that my research has done [...]
From The Classroom: Seth Perry’s 1-Year Special
Facebook users: Please share this story with your facebook friends by clicking the “recommend” button above! I owe it all to Craigslist. That’s never a good thing–after all, if you’re indebted to Craigslist, they could force you to buy all those ugly oriental rugs that no one seems to want. But the fact is that [...]
From The Classroom: Really???
Really? That’s all I can say. The rash of recent assaults at Annapolis High and South River has me incensed, at several people. Here are some of my thoughts: Really, attackers? Really, you morons? The fact that you’ve done what you’ve done to those poor kids is despicable, I hope you know that. I don’t [...]
From The Classroom: The Homecoming Game
I used to be a huge fan of country music. As of now it’s more of a passive interest, mostly because it’s never quite caught on with my friends, and because I only recently figured out that Garth Brooks’ “That Summer” is actually about a teenage guy hooking up with an old woman. (Still, play [...]
From The Classroom: Seth Perry’s Roadmap To 2020
I’m sure by now anyone who’s been on the internet within the past week has been assailed by Bob Ehrlich’s Roadmap to 2020 ads. This ad seems to have been mass-distributed through Google on every site known to man, featuring a handome, eloquent-looking Ehrlich standing beside his attractive, smart-looking, enticing to the female demographic running [...]
From the Classroom: Seth Perry’s Thoughts on Primary Outcomes
Well, we’re well into September. My generation is dragging itself out of bed into school instead of out of bed to work in the food service industry. And just as the teenage nation is returning to its natural habitat, another group is coming out of hibernation: the politicians. With these primaries, we’ve seen the beginning [...]
From the Classroom: Seth’s Thoughts On Campaign Slogans
NOTE: This is an opinion piece of the author. Statements made are in no way an endorsement (or non-endorsement) of any candidate by Eye On Annapolis. Hi there, Annapolis! After a brief summer hiatus, your resident teen commentator is back. I think it’s a good idea for sites like this that are trying to get [...]
From The Classroom: A Perry Patriotic Fourth
Hey there, Annapolis! I’m Seth Perry, here to provide you with coverage of another local fourth of July parade–one with no pepper spray, fistfights, and police brutality (darn guys we pay to walk around with guns, always being violent). Yes, the parade down in Shadyside was a fairly peaceful affair, and, of course, it reminded [...]
From the Classroom: A Night On The Town: AWESOMENESS On Display At Annapolis Summer Garden Theatre
Hi there, Annapolis! So, at the latest convention of private school parents trying to one-up each other (otherwise known as a school auction), my parents came into possession of tickets to the Annapolis Summer Garden Theatre’s production of the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and I cannot recommend it more highly. I have to [...]
From the Classroom: The Good And Bad Of Local Government
Hey, Annapolis! Word on the street is “OWWWWWWWWWWWW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD” because kids from Spalding have been throwing rocks at people from their cars. Word from City Hall, meanwhile, is that Josh Cohen has followed up on a proposal he made all the way back in 2003, where he suggested that health [...]
From The Classroom: In Defense Of Abby
What’s up, Annapolis? I have an announcement to make. I will be embarking on a blogging trip around the world. It will be very dangerous. I should not do it. I will be blogging from places like the Himalayas, vast and barren deserts, and FOX News studios. Horrible fates like Yetis, dehydration, and Ann Coulter [...]
From The Classroom: Driving Bunk
Hey hey, Annapolis! As I mentioned in my last post, summer will be upon us. For most of my readers, that means griping about paying the air-conditioning bills, but for my friends and me, it means freedom. The world is ours to explore. Thousands of opportunities prostrate themselves at our awaiting feet. We can go [...]
