“Life as a Single Mom…Oh My!”–Dear Tired Overexerted Single Mom Who Feels Like Nothing She Does is Quite Enough

| August 24, 2017
Rams Head

Oftentimes we exert so much energy trying to do it all that we forget how important even the smallest of gestures really mean in the grand parenting scheme. We stop studying to kiss boo-boos, we skip social outings to attend parent-teacher conferences (newsflash kids-we’re not crazy about them either)-generally our worlds tend to stop rotating when the people who rely on us, need us. We spend countless hours reassuring our children that there’s no monster in the closet, Bloody Mary is a myth, and Poltergeist is just a movie. But, at the very end of the day, when the monster checks have been completed, and the dishes have been washed (maybe), who truly reassures US? For anyone who hasn’t heard it lately, this is for you:

FAMILY SIZE, SHAPE, SHADE OR APPEARANCE IS RELATIVE.

In nearly every advertisement we see from clothing to dentistry, we are shown the image of the “perfect family” – often displayed as four, like-faced happy people, standing in front of a big ass house with a strangely photogenic dog. My family doesn’t look like that. My family consists of my son, who is 7 shades browner and 2 inches taller than me, myself – only slightly overweight and hellbent on being pale 12 months of the year, my mom, and two dogs-only one of which is even slightly good looking in pictures. Point is Mama, YOUR FAMILY OF TWO (or three or four) is perfect! Sometimes it may feel like numbers and appearances matter, especially when you’re a “party of one” in a sea of two-parent families, but never forget-where you lack in numbers, you excel in love. Write that down if you need to. That phrase has gotten me through many a school function with confidence and surety.

YOUR LOVE IS ENOUGH TO SUCCESFULLY RAISE A HAPPY, HEALTHY HUMAN BEING.

Read that again. Whether you have a crappy co-parent or no co-parent at all, if you are dedicated to your child’s health and happiness, you are ENOUGH. You were enough to sustain life in your body for 9 months. You were enough to push an entire human being out of your unmentionables without dying (I seriously don’t know how we do it ladies.) You have bonded with, fed and sustained a tiny defenseless human on your own for close to a year with no assistance (because let’s be honest, once the seed is planted-it’s all on you for a while!) You spent the better part of a year giving your child everything they need naturally. Remember that should you ever start to doubt yourself and your ability to raise your children alone.

I get it mom, it can be hard to pat yourself on the back in a world full of seemingly perfect familial imagery. It’s HARD not to feel like received words of encouragement are little more than a softly played soundtrack in the background of your everyday pande”mom”ium. It’s EASY to play the comparison game. But you deserve, scratch that, you MUST cut yourself some slack. As a single parent, you should regularly admit to yourself that sometimes you can’t do it all, and that’s ok.

Every day you love your child with an unwavering force. As they grow older they won’t remember the dirty dishes, or that day you left the house with winged eye-liner on the left eye and not the right (looking something like Amy Winehouse meets A Clockwork Orange) They will however, remember how you always made sure they ate a good meal (frozen chicken nuggets count, I promise), read their favorite bedtime story three times in a row, checked their closets for monsters, and never let them leave for school without an “I love you.”

Your children don’t doubt your ability to be enough. It’s time that to allow yourself that same confidence.

With Love.

Stephanie

Severn Bank

 

Category: OPINION

About the Author ()

Stephanie Fahie is a local blogger and social media content marketer from Maryland. She has an unhealthy obsession with puns, sarcasm and caffeinated beverages. She can usually be found on a baseball field!