All My Secrets

| September 4, 2011 | 0 Comments

Dear Chanel,

This is hard for me to say to anyone. I am hoping this comes out how I wish. I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life. I never thought it would affect anyone but myself. Sometimes I view myself as a failure but I know it’s not really me. I work hard to make ends meet and somehow it spits at me. For the most part its basically being responsible. I do not have a drinking, drug or sex problem. I am in a relationship and I have a job with good income. I care about others but I make bad decisions for myself.

A lot of issues have come up with not paying bills and using money for other things[nothing illegal]. My girlfriend wants us to become more serious but I am not ready. My career path is  not exactly what I want and I want to start my own company and have people work for me. My family doesn’t respect my choices. They feel I am impulsive and quick witted.

I keep my choices to myself because I am tired of others opinions and insults. That doesn’t work for me. Within a week or month or year – it comes out into the open because I screw up. Then I have people upset with me because I never explained or told them what I was up to.  I don’t want people to not trust me or to think I went behind their back. What am I supposed to do?

–  Lock and Key

Dear Lock & Key,

Although life seems to be crumbling – realize, you don’t have to be hard on yourself. As we get older and responsibilities begin pouring in, it is a very scary and overwhelming situation we get placed into.

Quick tips for finances is basically – write out your weekly AND monthly expenses. Set dates to pay each item – on a calendar or in cell phone. Have alerts set. Because in all honesty – you’ll spend more by paying late fees or overcharges.  Money has got to be the most obnoxious commodity ever! Money makes things happen but its makes things complicated – it can bring anger or joy – laughter or tears. Shake off your previous mistakes – whether it’s a late fee from Redbox or skipping your last 3 month’s of rent on your apartment. It’s life. It happens. We screw up.

Choosing a career doesn’t have to be so complicated. If this is providing supplemental income, then stick with it for now.  Jobs are very hard to come by right now and if money is an issue – then do not give up on your income. Spend a lot of time – planning out a business plan for your future company, networking and meeting contacts to help you achieve your goals. You can change your path at anytime but do not do it blind – do your research!

Relationships are tricky. Come to terms with your girlfriend – is she nagging and upset that you aren’t more serious or is she just wanting to go to the next level? This is a give and take, for both sides. She needs to realize you are struggling. She can either go along for the ride or jump ship!

Next, understanding why we decide to not be fully honest about personal choices.  For the majority of us, we are afraid of being misunderstood or judged. We make a choice for ourselves and feel it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes, we are already know we are in the wrong and do it anyways. We hide it from others because we don’t want to handle or go through feeling more guilt.

Unfortunately – this could lead to hurting someone. People close to you – especially a significant other, may take it personally. Viewing it as a lack of trust or acceptance. If you are with someone who continuously feels you make horrible choices and puts you down – clearly they are with the wrong person for them and you should reflect upon yourself. [Then again, if they are just super judgmental, maybe you are the one with the wrong person].

We cannot always go to our close loved ones for our decision making. There is a lot of emotion and biased opinions there.  You may think people can be harsh but a lot of people are emotional because they strongly care about you and your well-being. This can be a good thing – having someone care for you and want the best for you. It can also be a bad thing – they may give you advice to deter you away from what really is best for you, for their own selfish reasoning.

                       Example: Your friend wants to lose weight. Asks for Advice.

Good Friend Advice: “Eat Smart, Workout, & I can help!” [Thinking: I want to help and make sure she gets where she wants to be!] Could step in by joining a gym or going on walks together or helping pick out healthy food at dinner.

Bad Friend Advice:  “You look fine – don’t bother with it. Gyms are expensive and it’s hard to change eating habits.” [Thinking: I dont want you to look better than me!] So they try to sabotage your plans by keeping you occupied or taking you out drinking or bringing home junk food.

The more important thing is where to go from here. Without mistakes  – we can’t learn or grow. Be strong about your choices – if you don’t feel fully confident, seek advice. Advice is a blessing because you get insight from experienced people AND you get the option to take it then forget or use it! Best of everything!

 

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Category: OPINION

About the Author ()

A short and witty young professional with tons of advice for you to grasp onto. I can cover anything from relationships to small business management to modeling to photography to career changes to having babies. Bring it on!