The Air I Breathe…

| April 7, 2011 | 0 Comments

Some days I find myself exhausted beyond belief. It’s as if every muscle and bone in my body aches. Like I am too tired to function, think, or even unwind. These days I count down the minutes to when my husband walks in the door from work and greets Vivian and me. It’s like a comforting breath of fresh air to know he is with me to help our daughter blossom and be happy. One recent evening, I opened the refrigerator door to try and conjure up something for dinner. Tears came to my eyes. The thought of cooking a meal, eating, and cleaning it up made me want to fall over. So…pizza night it was.

Just after ordering our completely unhealthy dinner, Vivian decided to poop and spit up simultaneously, and the diaper did not contain this massive mess. Wipes were no match against this huge disaster. Regardless of my complete exhaustion; baby girl needed a bath…ASAP! Into the tub she went. While running her water I was wishing so badly it was water for me. All I wanted was to soak in the tub, relax the hectic day away, and let my body rest. All this, and still waiting for hubby to walk in the door.

While bathing Vivian I became completely relaxed. The weight lifted off of my shoulders and it was as if I was easing into the water with her. Her smile and feet splashing gave me such joy. After bath time, I laid her on the changing table and was giving her a massage, rubbing lotion on her legs and tummy and again wishing it was a massage I was receiving. I had been so tired just minutes before. With each stroke I gained energy. Relaxation was the only thing I was feeling. I realized that comforting my daughter was more comforting to me than any warm bath, massage, or glass of wine. It honestly was like I was feeling what she was experiencing.

I try to explain to my husband that when I am away from her it isn’t like I “miss” her, it is like something is missing from me. As though I am missing an arm or something. The connection with her is so strong. She is the air I breathe, and her smile make me smile. Her singing (or squealing) makes me want to sing, her energy gives me energy, and her peacefulness brings me peace. This connection caught me off guard, but I am so thankful it is there. What a wonderful gift it is, to be a mother. God has chosen me to protect and keep her safe and I feel honored to have such a great responsibility.

I still remember how I felt the very first time I saw her photo…in my belly. The technology is amazing and I bonded instantly. Baby to be Images (www.babytobeimages.com), located in Annapolis, offers expectant parents the opportunity to see their unborn baby, in a comfortable relaxing atmosphere. They have FANTASTIC 3D and 4D ultrasound equipment, a wonderful photography studio, belly casting, and many other pregnancy pampering things!

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