A Different Kind Of Pain

| April 20, 2011 | 0 Comments

Pain begins as a physical thing I believe. As a child we get bruises or scrapes and the physical pain is felt instantaneously. Then we grow, and pain becomes an internal feeling, not necessarily as tangible or recognizable as the physical wound. Love, happiness, loss, heartbreak, etc. The emotions grow stronger with maturity and are felt in a different way. Then I became a mom, and this four letter word “pain” took on an entirely new form.

This week Vivian was “hurt” for the first time at home. Receiving vaccines at the doctor’s office was significantly less painful for me than this incident, and we all know how terrible those routine inoculations can be. While at home one afternoon, trying to do too many things at once and forgetting the sudden strength our now four-month-old has developed, I lost my grip. She flung her body forward and bumped her head into the desk. Instant screaming….instant pain for her. I felt panic. I grabbed her and started praying out loud while crying with her. Examining every inch of her head, I was hoping to find no blood. Thankfully, there was none!

After a few minutes which felt like an eternity, she stopped crying. She let me hold and comfort her and all was calm. There was no big lump, no bruise, no anything. During the few moments when she was hurt, an overflow of internal pain took over. My heart was breaking with each tear she cried. I was overcome with emotion…guilt….sadness. I called my husband in hysterics and kept telling him how sorry I was that I let our baby girl get hurt. I called my sister and asked what to do to make her feel better. My blubbering was so awful she thought I said I was making monkey bread instead of “Vivian bumped her head.” I can laugh about that now. I knew this was not a serious injury, otherwise I certainly would have called the pediatrician right away. She did not “fall down”, it was just a little bump because she leaned too far forward. However, it was enough to cause her pain and enough to make me have a breakdown. What a terrible afternoon it was. My job is to comfort her, provide her safety and security, encourage her growth and love her unconditionally. To know I allowed this to happen to her was devastating. I had to remind myself, I’m not perfect–I’m just mom.

Feel free to share your horror stories of “baby’s first injury” with me. When I began talking to people about this, I found it happens to everyone, which made me feel “not so crazy”.

Statia’s Suggestion

Always have a Boo Boo Buddy on hand. When this happened I went to grab some ice, which is hard, awkward, and not easy to hold on a baby. Our Boo Boo Buddy is soft, cool, and waiting for our next unfortunate incident, which is bound to happen again. You can find them at a ton of local stores.

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