From The Classroom: A Perry Patriotic Fourth
Hey there, Annapolis!
I’m Seth Perry, here to provide you with coverage of another local fourth of July parade–one with no pepper spray, fistfights, and police brutality (darn guys we pay to walk around with guns, always being violent). Yes, the parade down in Shadyside was a fairly peaceful affair, and, of course, it reminded us what America is all about–partisan politics, junk food, and people who care too much about their cars. I’ve got a few photos of the parade which showcase the county’s impressive display of patriotism and tractors, which are about the most all-American things there are, based on a study conducted by Seth after he listened to a bunch of country music.
So, I hope you’ll join me and the people in these photos in celebrating America: The only place where patriotism is defined as hanging streamers from a golf cart.
The golf cart in question. Man, those are some serious patriots.
Normally the guys in the fire truck get the kids all excited, but the guys throwing out candy had stolen their fire.
And here comes a long line of sports cars, driven by guys who forgot guy driving rule #1--it's not the model, size, or horsepower of the car that matters, but how hopelessly lost the driver will get before asking for directions.
And here come the motorcyclists! Anyone who says iPods cause deafness has obviously never seen these choppers.
And the old cars! Um, excuse me, youthfully-challenged cars.
And the floats! I was going to devote an entire section of this article to these guys because they made such an awesome pyramid, but then I realized that there were no flags and figured they were Russian spies.
This one was world-cup themed. Their "goal" was to save the bay. It does make sense--if world cup victories and waterway cleanup are somehow linked, no wonder the bay's gone to pot.
And now, the politicians, who have decided to hijack the Fourth’s principles of brotherhood and unity in order to wage war on each other. Anyone ever wonder why county council races are partisan? What do Republicans and Democrats have to disagree on anyway at the county level except zoning laws? Is it really that hard to regulate my shed in a nonpartisan manner, or is there really a debate about whether sheds have second amendment rights? Well, on with the photos.
Walking at a Fourth of July parade with a green sign is like decorating your Christmas tree with blue and orange.
This guy's motto is "fiscally responsible". Just how fiscally responsible is it to buy a huge, gas-guzzling army truck and drive it around?
Can someone please tell me what a judge of the orphan's court is, and why we elect them?
Same goes for the register of wills.
Seems to me like having the same people who start brawls in the street elect the sheriff is like asking Sanjaya to pick the American Idol judges. Not that I don't support things happening democratically, but I'd rather have someone who knows about law enforcement choose the sheriff than someone whose knowledge of law enforcement extends to what's been shown on NYPD Blue.
Well, this guy has a batman logo on his car. My little brother knows who he's voting for.
Seems like Ron George is up for reelection. Who couldn't vote for a guy that no matter what, you're on a first-name basis with?
Public service announcement--I read through this guy's literature and he's a kook.
And finally, to finish it up, my hand, holding a flag. What in all of Anne Arundel County could be more patriotic? Except the NavalAcademy, of course. But you don’t see them hanging streamers from their battleships.
Well, that’s the parade. It was a great affair, filled with bright orange cars, bright orange candy, and lots of red white and blue. Oh, and hot girls, but they were wearing stickers for republican politicians, so I don’t count them.
Patriotically yours,
Any parade stories you’d like to share? Leave a comment, they’re much appreciated.
Category: COLUMNS, From The Classroom
Subscribe
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive more just like it.
