From the Classroom: The Good And Bad Of Local Government
Hey, Annapolis!
Word on the street is “OWWWWWWWWWWWW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD” because kids from Spalding have been throwing rocks at people from their cars.
Word from City Hall, meanwhile, is that Josh Cohen has followed up on a proposal he made all the way back in 2003, where he suggested that health plan coverage be extended to same-sex marriage partners. This is fantastic news–for all its woes with the budget and the recent theft of an insane amount of checks, the city government is proving to be as open-minded and progressive as I hoped they would.
No doubt this will increase Josh Cohen’s standing among the young folk of Annapolis–according to a recent Gallup poll, 62 percent of men and 59 percent of women found gay relationships morally acceptable–an increase of 20% and 4%, respectively–and no doubt the approval rating is even higher among the teenagers, or “The Perez Hilton Generation”. Josh Cohen’s display of tolerance will gain much appreciation from a generation that has had the privilege of growing up in a more open-minded society (unlike those born earlier), and it’s a fantastic victory for LGBT rights all over.
This display of recognition and respect of people with different sexual orientations is monumental for sure–but what’s next? Let’s hope the National Association for Fair Treatment of Idiots doesn’t use this as an opportunity to badger Mayor Cohen for more benefits for the numbskulls who let someone walk off with a large sum of government money.
No, Annapolis, what you read above is not a dream. The government did something without messing it up. Can they keep the streak alive? Can they? Can they? Can—nooooooo. According to the Superintendent of Schools’ recent blog post, the local government has made a critical mistake which some may find necessary, but I find unforgivable.
In Superintendent Kevin Maxwell’s recent post, he speaks of a “lean” budget allotted to the school district. Though he couldn’t have been nicer about it and is obviously making the money stretch as far as he can, and seems to (in my view) be allocating it fairly well, it still raises some questions with me.
Namely, why are the people who form the budget skimping on education? Look, I understand that there’s a recession–but that, if anything, means we need to equip today’s youth even better for the future. If we don’t give them the education they need, we’ll have a generation that plans to make its fortune by giving its social security numbers to “Nigerian bank presidents!” I exaggerate, of course, but still–even in a recession, education should be top priority, and skimpy spending should not be tolerated. Well-paid teachers are effective teachers, and effective teachers produce smart students. I also applaud Superintendent Maxwell for finding a way to keep the Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) magnets at North County and South River high schools and the Performing and Visual Arts magnet program at Bates Middle School alive. Those sorts of programs can do students worlds of good, and Superintendent Maxwell’s support for them is commendable.
But still, the question remains–why is education suffering? This is an even bigger issue nationally–while the chickenhawks in Congress refuse to cut the defense budget, we’ve seen education flounder. It’s all trickled down to Anne Arundel County, where we’re feeling the pinch. I’d like to call on the people who drew up this budget to justify increasing class sizes to me. Please, tell me why it’s necessary to worsen a child’s education. It’s been said that children are our nation’s greatest resource, and, since oil is practically free now to anyone with a bucket and enough gas to make it down to the Gulf of Mexico, this is now pretty much indisputable. So people who draw up the budget, I’m begging you–do better next year, when the stimulus money is running out.
On another subject, Superintendent Maxwell, if you’re complaining that there’s barely enough money to accomplish what you want to accomplish, why are you taking a 20k pay hike? You’ve done wonderful things for the school district, and for that you deserve commendation. Any other year, your new contract would have been completely appropriate, but now, your compensation (–$257,000 salary. –$1,000 monthly car allowance.–$20,000 contributed annually by the school board to an annuity, in addition to the usual state and local pensions and retirement systems.–Cell phone, home computer, Internet service, membership in professional organizations and expenses related to professional development, including travel.–30 vacation days, 12 sick days, five personal days and five days of bereavement leave for each qualifying bereavement event.–A $500,000 life insurance policy.–Moving expenses if he relocates from his home in Bowie.–A requirement to cash out 261 days of sick leave worth $257,988 by 2013.–An option for the board to give raises, as well as annual bonuses of up to 10 percent of his salary.) doesn’t seem to jive with the rising class sizes. Again, you do a fantastic job, and you deserve to be commended for it–but even Leopold is giving back his $5,000 bonus, as well as 5% of his original salary. In fact, according to Leopold’s speech on the budget, all department heads will be receiving a 5% pay cut–yet you’re getting a 7.7% pay raise. I’m not going to raise as much of a fuss as I normally would because you’ve done so much good for the school district, but it seems a bit off to me to complain about the schools not having enough money and walk off with what would be the school district’s 20k in your pocket–it’s sort of like Miley Cyrus complaining about the quality of today’s music.
That said, in the big scheme of things, paying your bonus is a much better way to spend the would-be school money, as far as I’m concerned, than what the government is paying for now. I’ve just been on the Animal Control website, and let me tell you, I love animals, but I honestly think some of the money we’re using to put microchips in pets could be better spent, hmm, I don’t know, teaching kids to read. We have a 7-man Animal Control Commission–is it just me, or would the money we pay them be better spent on raising teacher salaries? And apparently there’s a Domestic Violence Pet Support Program–because everyone know this county has a real problem with dogs getting drunk, coming home, and beating their bitches. There are some horrible tales of pets abusing each other–”The Color Friskies”, for example. And I’m sorry, but wouldn’t we rather hire another teacher with the money we pay the guy who writes up the Emergency Preparedness for your Pet procedures? Sorry, man, but if there’s a real emergency, I’m not bringing a litter box, a first aid kit, and a carrier big enough for my pet to stand, turn around, and lie down–I’m bringing bottled water and flashlights.
Of course, people in the government are elected for a reason, so I’m sure there’s some justification as to why we’re putting animals over our children’s education. I’ll examine those now, in
Seth Perry’s Top 10 Reasons Why It’s Better To Help Animals Than Pay Teachers
10. There’s a website called LOLCATS that features cats doing hilarious things. Is there a website called LOLTEACHERS? I thought not. Besides, no one makes YouTube videos of teachers doing amazingly cute things.
9. Animals don’t play Farmville.
8. If the dog doesn’t have the money to play with, he’ll end up chewing someone’s shoes.
7. Animals won’t vote yes on Prop 8.
6. Teachers don’t catch frisbees in their mouths.
5. Teachers can’t live in kennels. Why must our nation’s children learn at the expense of the kennel business?
4. There are no grooming parlors specifically for teachers. Even if there were, no amount of scrubbing would be able to remove the massive amounts of red ink from their clothes.
3. Teachers aren’t as cooperative when you try to put microchips on them. You don’t hear kitty cats making a scene about Big Brother watching their every move.
2. Animals teach children valuable lessons too. For instance, Old Yeller taught children how to exploit sensitive subjects like the death of a beloved pet for millions of dollars in book and movie rights.
1. Animals don’t unionize.
And, believe it or not, Animal Control is one of the better ways the county is spending its would-be education cash. Did you know that the county does career counseling? Isn’t that what schools employ guidance counselors for? And do you know how many zoning laws they have to enforce? Good to know that having an inspector breathe down my parents’ necks every time they try to plant a tree is coming at the cost of education. And as much as I think exercise is a wonderful idea, I question the necessity of county aerobics programs. Has the county not heard of free aerobics workout videos on YouTube? Yes, YouTube. I bet you’ve never heard of YouTube furthering a child’s education ’til now.
Anyone else have thoughts on the lack of spending for education? Leave a comment, they’re much appreciated.
Have a good one,
Category: COLUMNS, From The Classroom
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