There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

| April 21, 2010 | 2 Comments

We all know people who are very conservative when it comes to spending, but there are some people that take it a bit too far. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

If you’ve ever been to a restaurant you’ll notice a pretty standard course of events. You’re seated; your server brings you drinks, takes your order and then checks on you periodically to see how you’re doing. Typically if you are not happy with your meal, you should tell the server immediately. If you eat everything on your plate and are seconds away from licking it clean, you are not allowed to send it back. There’s nothing to send back. You ate it all. So don’t look shocked when it shows up on your bill.

A restaurant is not an ice cream parlor and we do not offer free samples. Please do not ask me if you can try the burger to see if you like it. It’s not going to happen.

Do not order water and a plate of lemons in an attempt to make your own homemade lemonade. You’re only going to piss me off; if you want lemonade, order lemonade. If not, congratulations, you saved yourself $2.

It’s not your birthday, and you’re not getting a free dessert. When you ordered a cocktail earlier I checked your I.D. It said you were born in November. It’s April. Nice try.

We had some women come into the restaurant about a month ago claiming that they wanted to have a private party for 200 people but they needed to try the food first…for free. We offered them a thirty percent discount on their meal, they hastily declined and stormed out. Unbelievable.

Ladies, please do not think that just because you are scantily clad and bat your big, fake eyelashes, that guys will buy you drinks all night. Buy your own drinks. The guys will be much more impressed. And for you gentlemen out there, just because you buy a lady a drink, she is not obliged to sleep with you.

Some of the best things in life may be free, but lunch is not one of them.

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About the Author ()

I graduated with an Art degree from a small liberal arts college, did a bit of traveling and moved to Annapolis from Baltimore about seven years ago. I currently manage a well-known Annapolis restaurant, serve and bartend. I live downtown and I like sunsets and long walks on the beach :)