She’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Chanel, cn

I am dating someone – well actually I’m not. I consider this person my girlfriend and she considers me a friend who she cares for. I have had very strong feelings towards her for a long time. She has never shown it in return. She is dating someone else and she knows it hurts my feelings. I say mean things about the guy because I am jealous. She tells me to stop it or she can’t be around me anymore. I cant help how I feel. She says, “maybe in a year”, we can be together. She has gone through a lot of relationship problems and it seems hard for her to ignore them. I buy her nice things and her family loves me. She is a great girl and I want her to see how I feel about her. Instead, I think she just sees me as an annoyance lately. We fight a lot and she seems to sneak around. Our relationship is not physical at all but we have kissed. I consider her my best friend. What am I doing wrong?

– Friend Zone

Dear Friend Zone,

It seems that she is tossing up the red flags and you keep ignoring them. If she is dating someone else and isn’t committed to him – maybe that is just how she is. She could have a problem with committing or she really is not that into you.

She gets upset with you for giving her crap about dating another guy while you are “in the picture” and she threatens to kick you out of her life. She obviously does not hold you as high as this other guy. She does not want someone nagging and making her feel tied down. That is kind of the point of NOT committing. So, either she likes to play games or she is just not that into you.

You call her your best friend? There are tons of love stories of best friends falling in love years after they’ve met, after all their heartbreaking relationships, and then suddenly they realize they were meant to be. Your fairy tale seems more like a tragedy. Best friends are defined by the positive impact they have on your life and the great feeling they give you – not the feeling you imagine or would like to be present. If she was your best friend – she would clear up the mixed up signals she is giving you that has you convinced you’ll be together. She would not string you along knowing you care so deeply about her. She also wouldn’t threaten to give your friendship away because you are sharing your feelings. Seems to be she is not a best friend or a potential girlfriend.

This is going out to all guys about buying expensive gifts for a girl/woman/lady/significant other. I am really sorry – but unless it is a family heirloom – do not, I REPEAT, do not expect it back. In fact, it’s quite rude to even ask for it back. If the girl seriously does not want it because it does remind her of you or your love or whatever, let her make that decision. I still own every piece of jewelry [or any other gift] given to me by an ex or old flame. I never had them ask for it back; but if so, I would most likely say no. It is mine – it was a gift. So, when things do south – do not ask for it back. You’ll ignite a fire you might not have wanted to start. My other note to all men – if you buy someone something expensive – you had better make sure there is a good reason. Why regret spending your hard earned money? For example – the person I am with, wanted to buy me a necklace I had been eying up for a few months – we had only been together a few months as well – he was tempted to buy it for me as a holiday gift. As sweet as it was – it made me wonder why. When I asked him, he said because you wanted it. This particular necklace symbolized a strong love connection and the television commercials conveyed that;  yet, he had no emotional tie behind it. That’s lame; do not give me any type of jewelry or expensive item without there being some meaning behind it.

Either way, Friend Zone, I think you need to pack up your “baggage” and get on the next train to Single Lady Town. She has someone else. She considers you a doormat friend. You are wasting time and energy – when you could be with a girl who does care about you the same way and you’ll see how amazing that feels.

On another note – you could get over the fixation with dating and see that you really don’t need someone to be happy. You need to be happy with yourself in order to find real happiness and appreciate it for what it is worth.

All the best.

wef

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A short and witty young professional with tons of advice for you to grasp onto. I can cover anything from relationships to small business management to modeling to photography to career changes to having babies. Bring it on!