From the Classroom: Dear Dr. Maxwell

| February 18, 2010 at 10:52 am

After the wonderful letter to Mayor Cohen about the need for more efficient snow removal went up, I thought it would be a good idea for me to write a letter to Dr. Maxwell, superintendent of Anne Arundel County Public Schools, to voice my concern of the public schools’ handling of the situation.

Dear Dr. Maxwell–

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy snow days as much as the next guy, but having the whole week off last week was an iffy decision at best, and the day off on Tuesday and two-hour delays for the rest of the week are total hogwash. Normally I would sit back and let this go, but when bad decisions bite into my summer vacation, I bite back.

But first, I do have to ask–why are the sidewalks still not clear? It’s not as if there aren’t a lot of out-of-work people who would love to get paid to shovel some snow. Why hasn’t the county hired more people to clear the roads and sidewalks? Or did I miss the rally where angry protesters marched on Washington, asking the government never to create any more new jobs, ever? Mayor Cohen, I wanted you to win, and I know you can and will be a capable mayor, but if you can’t get rid of some snow on the sidewalks, it’ll be tough for you to get rid of a $9 million deficit. The debt sure isn’t gonna melt.

But back to Superintendent Maxwell. Superintendent Maxwell, I realize that getting people to school safely is a  concern. I understand that it’s hard for buses to drive when there’s snow and ice on the roads. However, there is no excuse for canceling school when the roads are clear. Last time I checked, buses ran on asphalt just fine. My driveway was clear when I woke on Tuesday, and our roads in Annapolis were clear when I went in for my orthodontist appointment that Tuesday as well. I’m really tired of seeing two-hour delays and school closures at the first sign of snow, with NO VISIBLE ROAD PROBLEMS. It’s like watching the hottest girl in school freak out at the first sign of a pimple.

And I’m not sure I understand the reason for the two hour delays all week. Frankly, they seem a bit preposterous. If snow conditions are iffy at 8am but are fine at 10, how on God’s green earth do they magically worsen by 8am the next day–with no snow? I have friends in New England who brave this kind of weather while using few snow days, and certainly don’t have 2 hour delays with clear roads. I don’t think we as a school district are any less tough than a bunch of chowdah-eating Patriots fans.

Also, I really don’t see sidewalks to be as much of an issue as the schools make them out to be. It’s not like trudging through snow will kill us. And then, we’ll be able to give our grandkids the old cliche “I used to walk miles to school through the snow and slush” speech without feeling guilty about lying (we’ll still have to deal with feeling guilty about boring our grandkids, though).

Those are my thoughts. Of course, they don’t change the fact that we’ve still missed school, and the fact that we’ll likely spill over into summer (which, of course, is the real reason I’m so ticked off here).

It stands to reason that, even if the county does successfully petition the state to give them back some of their snow days, school will likely continue on longer, which, frankly, will be horrible. It’s not like we’ll be able to study anything when it’s so warm and humid outside (we could read Dante’s Inferno, that’d be applicable. But I’m sure students would be passing out on their desks before they finished the first page). The urge to rush outside will be unbearable, and any teachers who are unfortunate enough to teach last period will likely be trampled by a mad rush of students on the way out. We’d sweat all over the boring math textbooks, we’d be able to talk of nothing but humidity, and eventually we would, in a heatstroke-induced frenzy, flood the library with a garden hose and attempt to turn it into a pool.

All because our school district can’t tell the difference between snow on the road and snow not on the road.

Hyperbole? Fine. But while my accounts of heatstroke may be exaggerated, the fact remains that lengthening school is NOT COOL. But since it’s unavoidable, here’s another top 10 regarding how to have some fun as school stretches on into the summer.

10. Buy many fans. Not only will they keep everything from boiling over, but they can also be used in math class. Calculating how many times the fan rotates per minute would sure be a lot more fun than the quadratic equation.

9. If we can’t go on a vacation, they might as well bring the vacation to us. Superintendent Maxwell, get Sea World on the phone. I bet dissecting Shamu during biology class would be a real hit.

8. Use one of the extra days to teach a full-day seminar on ‘how to walk on a snowy sidewalk’. Hopefully this can reduce the borderline ridiculous closures and delays.

7. Take a field trip to the beach. If it’s a nude beach, you can count it as a science field trip. Bet most people think that combining anatomy study and beach volleyball is impossible, but it’s not.

6. Put sand all over the floors of the school. Not only does this create a more relaxed, summer-y atmosphere, but there’s nothing like a bunch of teeny-tiny rocks poking you in the foot to distract you from thinking about how much it sucks to be stuck in school so far into the summer.

5. If school is to be extended further into the summer, we need to make the most out of the time we have and get as much done as possible in each class. Henceforth, not only will be history classes be a place for boring lectures on Machiavelli and FDR, they will also be home to games of ‘keep the beach ball in the air’. Science labs, meanwhile, will double as locations for ‘hacky sack’ and, if circumstances permit, ‘blaming the broken beaker on someone else’.

4. In the spirit of summer, cancel classes early and have a giant water balloon fight. But not near the sidewalks. If water balloon debris gets on the sidewalks, they may become impassable, resulting in two-hour delays for the rest of the month.

3. In PE, replace running laps and climbing the rope with Slip N Slide contests.

2. Go around rubbing sunscreen on everyone. This is a win-win situation–either you protect people from skin cancer down the road, which makes you feel like a good Samaritan, or you get slapped with a harassment lawsuit, which gets you out of school.

1. Bring in ice cream. It fixes everyone’s problems. Except the problems of people who are lactose intolerant. Their problems can be fixed with dairy-free sherbet.

Well, enjoy the two-hour delays, I suppose.

Meet Fish Stark

Fish Stark has written 79 posts in this blog.

Fish Stark is a 16-year-old Edgewater resident. He likes laughing, politics, and Reese's cups. His least favorite beverage is unleaded gasoline. His two novels can be read here: http://www.eyeonannapolis.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/First-Daughter.pdf and here: http://www.eyeonannapolis.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/ConventionDRAFT1.pdf His stand-up comedy and amateur filmmaking can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/user/theoFishalfishstark

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Category: COLUMNS, From The Classroom

  • Teresa Birge

    Mr. Perry likely isn’t aware that most public high school students are standing at bus stops at about 6:30 in the morning, and that most bus stops in this county are covered with anywhere from 4 to 15 feet of snow right now. Their only choice is to wait for the bus standing in the street. This can be dangerous even in the daylight, but at 6:30 am it is still dark and cars cannot see them, and is even more dangerous. Many of our sidewalks in our neighborhoods are also not only not shoveled, but covered with 5 to 15 feet of rocky ice placed there by plows and bobcatsThe decision to delay school was not based solely on the conditions of the road, but based on the safety of many of our nearly 75,000 students who need to get to school by waiting at a bus stop or by walking, mainly in the street. While this decision may seem silly to Mr. Perry, the safety of the students is of the utmost importance to AACPS, and while it may provide an inconvenience to some, that is preferable to students being harmed while traveling to school.

  • Seth Perry

    Here is the solution to this problem–organizing emergency “inclement weather” bus-stops that are placed in covered areas/parking lots that would be plowed to take the place of most bus stops in this county that are covered with anywhere from 4 to 15 feet of snow right now. There would be no need to bus standing in the street, which can be dangerous even in the daylight, but at 6:30 am it is still dark and cars cannot see them, and is even more dangerous. This would keep students from standing in side walks that are not only not shoveled, but covered with 5 to 15 feet of rocky ice placed there by plows and bobcats. This suggestion was not prompted solely by Ms. Birge’s comment, but based on the convenience of many of our nearly 75,000 students who need to get to school by waiting at a bus stop. While this may have not occurred to AACPS; forethought should be of the utmost importance to AACPS, and while finding solutions to problems is not always the easiest thing to do, that is preferable to just delaying school and waiting for the snow to go away, at least in Mr. Perry’s mind.

    Seth out.

  • Sam Adams

    Sounds to me like this Seth kid is probably just another silver spoon fed **** boy from Annapolis who has nothing in life to look forward to but being a virgin, playing video games, and ocean city. I have no idea why these little ****’s think that their opinion’s will ever matter. He will probably grow up into another liberal Annapolis **** who will be out in front of a government building holding a picket sign who will never have any of his pathetic problems solved. My advice Seth, is to get over it big guy. Let’s face it, you most likely do not have that many friends anyway, and the one’s that you do are on facebook or world of warcraft. Your summer “at best” will consist of you sitting around mommy and daddy’s house **** about how hot it is, and that there is nothing to do. So in closing, quit your **** like a little girl!

    • http://www.eyeonannapolis.net JWF

      Before this gets too off track, if this is the first time you are reading any of Seth’s columns, you need to know that for the most part they are intended to be humorous.

  • Sarah

    There’s no reason to even imply that language- for all you know, that kid could end up ruling the world. It’s the nerds in life who end up going far, and running many of the biggest institutions whether that be in the fields of government, science, economics, writing, you name it, the nerds run it.
    And on that point, Seth Perry could be one of the most popular kids in his highschool who has an imagination.
    ALSO, his posts are to be funny! It’s not my fault you don’t have a sense of humor.
    Oh, and finally, if you took the time to comment that, I highly doubt you have a life if you have to pick on someone else.
    with that,
    I bid you adieu.

  • Nikki

    ^^For the point above, with the excessive amount of snow, I happen to live in New England and WALK to school in +2 feet of snow. Standing in the snow doesn’t seem so bad to me, the only problem for is your kids aren’t used to it- plus, I dunno but to me it seems like a smart idea to i don’t know.. SHOVEL the sidewalks where you must stand, even if it’s only a small 9 square foot area, a little labor will not break your back.

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