The Other Woman

| November 20, 2009 | 40 Comments

Dear Chanel-essentials

I’ve been living with this dark secret for too long and I just don’t know what to do. My best friend Justin* and I dated and are now strictly friends. Justin has been dating Rebekah* for quite some time now. Justin has been doing some stuff behind her back for months. I have wanted to tell Rebekah, but I’m scared I’ll lose Justin as a friend.  Rebekah and I aren’t really friends but I can’t stand seeing a someone cheat – even if Justin is my best friend.

I tried talking to Justin about this and telling him he should tell Rebekah but he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. I guess I’m just not sure -is it cheating if Justin is asking for naked pics  and asking for things that go beyond a friendship with me – as long as he’s not touching? Please help me see if it’s worth losing my long time friend [Justin] over? Thanks

– Just Another One

Dear Just Another One,

Lets stop for a minute. If this is your best friend – shouldn’t Justin respect you enough to be honest with you? Honest to the point where he isn’t hiding his feelings or actions with you. He seems to keep you hidden for a reason. That is not a best friend to me. That is a coward. A person who is scared and ‘wants his cake and to eat it too’. You are approving of  this by not telling Rebekah and allowing yourself to be used. Is this not crushing you? Does it not kill you to know you spend day after day in a hidden relationship? Respect yourself and your body. I say body because you mentioned naked photos. Have you been responding to his requests? If so – you are not showing Justin (or any other person) that you hold yourself  in good esteem.

Pardon my language – but you are “bathroom material” to him. What person has a best friend like that? Certainly not me.

My advice to you on Justin – You should not be afraid to lose someone who is using you. YOU should be afraid of being treated like this by people you love and who are close to you.  Justin should be afraid of losing you and Rebekah. Stop sending the photos and find someone who will love you for you – and realize you do not need someone to keep you happy. It seems that you aren’t even happy when you do have someone in your life.

My advice to you on Rebekah – If it clears your conscious – which I am sure this is eating you alive, as it should be – than yes, tell her. Do it in an open and honest way – do not leave certain details out. Rebekah deserves to know everything. Apparently – her coward boyfriend is not going to do it.

To the Girlfriend- Rebekah: You deserve better than this. I hope “The Other Woman” comes to you and you accept what she is saying to you. I hope you believe her words and actually do something about it. A lot of women hear that their guy is cheating and they stick around. They make up the excuses and allow it to happen. Treat yourself the way you deserve and kick his ass out of your life. It won’t be easy, especially if it has been a long time, but why live your life being second best? N’sync even recorded a song about this–, “Bye Bye Bye” [a bit cheesy but seriously – look at the lyrics].

To the Cheat: Justin -You are pathetic to think that you are doing nothing wrong – let me shed some light. Cheating has different definitions to different people. Cheating is Cheating! When a guy/girl sits there and chats online to random people, when you grab someones ass at a bar, it’s cheating. If you hang out with someone of the opposite/same [depending on how you go] sex – then there is room for discussion.

This is not the case here – this is you, Justin – a person in a relationship- asking for naked photos from another woman other than Rebekah – your girlfriend. In my mind – that is worse than kissing someone drunk at a bar and it is worse than asking for a phone number from someone at work or in class. This is no different in my eyes than actually having sex. Why? Because you are seeing another person naked, you are taking a very personal thing and making it your own. Nudity and sex are meant for Rebekah, who you are dating – not the best friend.

** Now – if you are single – then do what you want but you, my man, are not in this boat **

So, Grow up! If you cant respect your best friend or your girlfriend – then man up, and move on!

If you still cannot handle this and think you are in the clear- than obviously these women are dating a boy – in which case – grab the Maxim, your tube sock and be done with it!

Back to you “The other Woman” -I ask that you write me and let me know what you decide to do, tell me how it went, how Rebekah reacted — maybe even suggest her writing and sharing her feelings/thoughts. I think our readers would enjoy to see how this plays out. Keep us updated on him too!

chanelsignature

* Names changed

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Category: OPINION

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A short and witty young professional with tons of advice for you to grasp onto. I can cover anything from relationships to small business management to modeling to photography to career changes to having babies. Bring it on!