From The Classroom: Going To Homecoming–Part 1
Um…hey. Uh…boy, it’s nice out, isn’t it? Um, that’s really nice. Like, what you’re wearing, I mean. I wasn’t talking about the weather anymore.
Listen, um, I was just wondering…like, it’s not really important, and, I mean, it’s no big deal, but…
wouldyouwanttogotohomecomingwithme?
That’s right, Annapolitans. I’m going to take you inside the twisted world of high school homecomings. This is the first part. The next part will come after I do a little ‘investigative reporting’ on Friday at my own school’s homecoming.
Yup, it’s fall, and in addition to the brightly colored leaves and flags with turkeys on them, school spirit is in the air. You see it at football games, and you see it in spirit weeks.
As I type this, I am wrapped in a blue bedsheet that is supposed to resemble a toga. Why? It’s toga Tuesday. Our school is in the middle of a spirit week–a tradition for many high schools around the country, designed to boost school spirit and make for interesting pictures on Facebook.
Yesterday, it was color day. Freshmen wore blue. Sophomores wore red. Juniors wore black. And all the seniors wore white, so when anyone went to a senior hangout, it looked like you’d died and gone to heaven.
When it looks like the entire junior class is emo and angels are meeting in your library, you know you’ve got school spirit.
Anyway, tomorrow everyone is to wear bathing trunks, and the next day, business suits.
The day after that is Halloween costumes, and then, of course, that night is homecoming.
A lot of planning goes into this deal, of course. Tickets must be bought (and sold). Playlists are assembled. I imagine refreshments are organized.
But, of course, the teachers have an item that’s number 1 on their agenda: getting rid of the dirty dancing.
It’s always been an issue–not just in Annapolis, but around the country. Teens want to execute their suggestive, and, ah, shall we say stimulating style of dance without limits. Teachers (most of whom grew up in a time period when Elvis was considered the devil) want to keep everything G-rated–after all, this is a school.
Basically, both sides need to give half, and each side is only willing to give a quarter.
Last year, according to some seniors, the teachers got creative with ways to stop the grinding.
“They wanted that type of dancing to stop,” recalls one of my senior friends, “So they put on the chicken dance.”
“The chicken dance?” I asked incredulously.
“The chicken dance.”
“Bet that put a stop to the grinding really quick.”
“Nope.”
“WHAT?” I nearly shouted.
“People were still grinding to the chicken dance.”
Well, when putting on the chicken dance doesn’t work, there’s not much a human being can do, right?
Oh, yeah. They can write up a dance contract.
These things have been going up all around Annapolis. South River has one. Arundel has one. Basically, they forbid students from any type of sexual dancing.
The students don’t seem to like these contracts very much. In fact, it makes them feel very limited in what they can do. Of course, the teachers are happy, because they aren’t going to need to wash out their eyes after watching us dance for three hours.
Wait…who are we making this dance appropriate for again?
Our school drafted some ‘dance standards’ too, which, understandably, most of the student body did not like.
“I mean, come on,” said a senior in a recent forum. “South River had to do this stuff because people were having sex on the dance floor and someone got an STD.”
Somehow I don’t think that’s going to be a problem at our school, which has less than 200 students in the high school, all packed into a small gym that’s not even big enough to play basketball in.
Of course, in a community as small as ours, there’s not likely to be any sex on the dance floor. But the administration still felt the need to draft rules. Here’s ours:
The first rule is a general provision about not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs, as this is a serious violation of school policy, and will lead to serious consequences.
Of course, this is a great, sensible rule, because, as a senior said: “Listen, you guys, don’t drink before the dances, OK? Because I can’t get my freak on if someone’s pukin’ all over the floor.”
The second rule prohibits dancing that is overtly sexual, such as humping, groping, etc. The list used to include grinding, which created a lot of commotion. To quell said commotion, our Principal stood up and said he had “…no intention of quelling your generation’s style of dance.”
One of the seniors stood up. “What’s our generation’s style of dance?”
“GRINDING!” was the overwhelming response.
So now, on the standards, it states that “back-to-front dancing (grinding) is permitted in moderation.”
The third rule had to do with clumping. Basically, due to the fact that 150 to 200 people are being crammed into a gym that is quite small (even though there is a gym twice its size literally 50 feet away), there are large clumps of people being formed. This ultimately leads to some of the shorter freshmen being trampled. For some reason, people have decided that a way to fix this is to put large things in the center (such as tables) to discourage clumping. It seems to me that reducing the dancing space would necessitate clumping, not eliminate it.
But I’m not a Principal.
The fourth rule stated that ‘chaperones will remain on the periphery of the dance floor’. This was in response to a public outcry because some chaperones were venturing into the middle of the throng with flashlights and sombreros.
The fifth rule states that students will, the first time, be given a warning in the form of a ‘time-out’ away from the dance floor. I don’t know who invited the kindergarten teacher to the standards-writing committee…but from the looks of this one, someone did. After the first warning, the student will be asked to leave the dance.
In other words, don’t get caught by the same chaperone twice.
The final rule stated that parents would be called if students were asked to leave the dance.
Yeah, it seems like a lot of regulations and restrictions, but I don’t like to knock ‘em til I’ve tried ‘em. I’ve heard from friends who’ve gone to other area homecomings that they’re a lot of fun, so I’ll be attending my school’s homecoming to observe and report this Friday.
Signing off with dancing feet,
Category: From The Classroom
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